5 Reasons Why I Decided to Live in Portlandia

I identify as a introverted, granola, be-spectacled, nomad, biker, writer, and now, a Portlandia viewer.  Portlandia spoofs at least one of those identities per episode.  So naturally, I was hooked from the first sketch and promised myself not to NFBW (Netflix Binge Watch) all 3 seasons.  I came up with 5 reasons why I’d live Portlandia, the TV version of it, anyway.

1. I too dream of the 90s.  The decade was filled with my most carefree days: intense games of tag and manhunt, biking, candy runs to the corner store, and all around great outdoor kid stuff.  When it came to the indoors, my cousins’ and I enjoyed our fair share of Sonic the Hedgehog on Sega and the best shows Nickelodeon ever ran: Rugrats and the Secret World of Alex Mack, anyone?!

Love at 1st song.  I love the 90’s and I’m poised to fall in love with Portlandia as future episodes and seasons ensue- there’s no doubt about that.  If the dream of the 90s is alive in Portland, then Portland is where I wanna be.

2. Bicycles rock.  Cars are intense.

“I’m so weird with that gas pedal.  That thing just moves the whole vehicle forward and…” said Fred in one of the funniest Portlandia sketches I watched.

Any city that’s walkable, has clearly marked and respected bike lanes, and a functioning public transit system is a city I wouldn’t mind calling home.

3. I’m no vegan but I wanna know that the bird on my plate was well-fed, roamed freely, and lived a happy life. End of delicious story.

4. Life can be dull.  However, you can brighten up your environment if you put a bird on it.  I have a good eye and I can say and see that bird decorations add a great aesthetic to anything!  Placing birds -symbols of freedom- on things, adds just the right touch of femininity and cool.  Tweet tweet.

5. While everyone’s watching Sunday football and sports, I’m writing and letting my imagination flow.  Yet somehow I’m sure if Hide and Seek became a televised pro sport I’d be chomping down on wings from a cage-free bird and whole wheat pizza, in my sweats, shouting at the flatscreen, and rooting for my favorite league.  Hide and Seek promotes active bodies and minds.  Participants in the game have to employ creativity and smarts, select clandestine areas to hide, and run quite a bit.  Hiders and seekers must be aware of their opponents’ weaknesses and use clever tactics to win.  That’s more than I can say for those other “sports” out there.  Hip, hip, hooray, Gooo Sherlock Holmies! That’s my team!

Bonus: Nonchalant and opinionated people seem to think customer service and sales is the best career move.  I strongly disagree. Can we all say we’ve come along a salesperson in a clothing store/bookshop/ electronics store who thinks they’re doing YOU a favor by half-heartedly assisting with your purchase?  If I were a college student, looking for my semester’s list of required reading, and encountered not-so-helpful feminist bookstore owners, I think I’d need more than the smacking of chewing gum and irksome tugs on my backpack straps to keep calm.  Is college not stressful enough? There’s no way that I’d put up with condescending shop owners who are unable to help with my must-reads.  It’d be time to put the athlectic skills I gained from the Hide and Seek League to good use and get out of the bookshop fast!

By the way, while we’re on the topic of books, did you read that thing?

Bottom line: I’m in(to Portlandia).  Let’s watch and laugh and help me pack my things.  It’s moving day.


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